Announcer: NEXT! AMERICA'S NUMBER ONE

FEMALE COMEDIAN, CHONDA PIERCE.

I HAVE BEEN MARRIED TO THIS MAN FOR ALMOST 30 YEARS

SO I THOUGHT THIS WOULD BE SO FUNNY AND SURPRISE HIM.

AND SO I GOT THIS LITTLE TATTOO.

IT'S NOT AS ROMANTIC WHEN HE GOES,

"LET ME GET MY GLASSES SO I CAN SEE." [Laughter]

Announcer: STAY TUNED AS CHONDA SHARES

HOW SHE IS BRINGING HER HUMOR AND MESSAGE TO THE WORLD.

AND THE LORD IS OPENING DOORS IN PLACES I NEVER DREAMED

OR IMAGINED AND I GO IN CAREFULLY AND FEARFULLY.

Betty: WELCOME TO LIFE TODAY!

I'M BETTY ROBISON AND

THIS IS JAMES.

WE'VE GOT ONE OF OUR DEAR

FRIENDS AND SHE IS SO FUNNY!

James: I AM ALREADY GETTING

READY FOR MY FACE

TO CRACK FROM LAUGHING.

CHONDA PIERCE IS HERE

AND WE'RE GOING TO HAVE

A WONDERFUL TIME.

LAUGHTER IS GOOD MEDICINE.

WE'VE HAD PEOPLE SAY,

"HOW CAN YOU BE TALKING

ABOUT THE NEEDS OF THE WORLD

AND THE SUFFERING AND ALL THAT

AND HAVE EVERYBODY LAUGHING?"

BUT IT IS SOME OF THE MOST

INCREDIBLE EXPRESSIONS

AND OUTPOURINGS OF LOVE

WE'VE SEEN COME WHEN PEOPLE

HAVE JUST FOUND JOY,

I MEAN REAL JOY UNSPEAKABLE.

ONE ASPECT OF THE FRUIT

OF THE SPIRIT, THE WEIGHT

OF GOD'S PRESENCE ON US

IS JOY AND PEACE.

I WANT YOU TO HAVE THAT --

AND JOY.

AND WE CAN LAUGH,

IT REALLY IS GOOD MEDICINE.

WOULD YOU WELCOME BACK

TO LIFE TODAY, CHONDA PIERCE?

HERE IS CHONDA.

Chonda: HI, JAMES!

I JUST HATE --

THERE IS A STICKER!

I HATE CROSSING IN FRONT OF THEM

BECAUSE I KNOW WHEN I PASS OVER

HIM HE GOES, "LORD, HELP US!

LORD, HELP US! LORD, HELP US!"

IT IS SO FUNNY THAT HE TALKS

ABOUT THE MOST JOYFUL PEOPLE.

I DON'T KNOW IF WE'RE

THE MOST JOYFUL OR WE JUST

FOUND THE RIGHT MEDS!

[Laughter]

EITHER WAY THE LORD WORKS

IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS.

I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU FOR A WHILE.

HE HASN'T HAD ME ON FOR A WHILE.

EVIDENTLY, SOMETHING I SAID

LAST TIME DIDN'T SET TOO WELL.

[Laughter]

BUT I'VE BEEN VERY, VERY BUSY AT

MY HOUSE BECOMING EMPTY NESTED.

ISN'T THAT AWESOME!

IT'S THE GREATEST DAYS

OF MY MARRIAGE.

I'M SO SICK OF THOSE KIDS!

LISTEN, THEY LEFT.

MY YOUNGEST IS 21 NOW,

HE IS LIVING IN LOS ANGELES

AND WE'RE FROM TENNESSEE

SO WE LIKE IT LIKE THIS.

HE'S 21, HE GOES TO

A TECHNICAL SCHOOL TO LEARN

HOW TO MAKE VIDEO GAMES

AND THAT'S ABOUT ALL I HAVE

TO SAY ABOUT HIM. SO...

BUT I HAVE A DAUGHTER

AND LO AND BEHOLD, JUST WHEN

WE WERE EMPTY NESTED,

WE'RE ENJOYING IT,

THEY MOVED BACK IN.

THE DAUGHTER AND HER HUSBAND

AND HER DOGS AND HER LITTLE

PREGNANT SELF BECAUSE

THEY DECIDED THEY NEEDED

TO SAVE MONEY FOR

THEIR OWN HOUSE SO THEY'RE GOING

TO EAT US OUT OF OUR HOUSE.

[Laughter]

I KNEW WE SHOULD HAVE SAID "NO"

OR AT LEAST CHANGED THE LOCKS

WHILE WE HAD THE CHANCE.

HERE THEY CAME AND

IT KIND OF CRAMPED OUR STYLE.

NOW, I'M 50 -- I DON'T MIND

TELLING YOU THIS -- I'M 50.

BUT I'M ALSO NOT DEAD EITHER.

I LOVE MY HUSBAND.

HE IS A STUD MUFFIN

IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

[Laughter]

AND AT 50, THERE IS LITTLE MORE

MUFFIN THAN THERE IS STUD.

[Laughter]

I JUST --

WRITE THAT DOWN, BETTY,

I JUST MADE THAT UP.

I'M GOING TO NEED THAT

NEXT WEEK.

HERE'S THE THING.

SO MY KIDS WERE LIVING THERE.

SO MY SON DECIDED WELL,

I'LL COME BACK IF SHERI'S COMING

BACK AND WE'LL ALL JUST

BE UNDER THE HOUSE

ONE HAPPY FAMILY.

NO! THAT'S OVER!

WHEN YOU'RE 18, THERE IS

NO MORE HAPPY FAMILY.

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO GET OUT!

SO HERE THEY ARE AND THEY'RE --

SHE STARTS NESTING IN MY NEST

SO THAT'S A LOT OF TROUBLE.

SO ONE NIGHT WE DECIDED

WE WOULD GO ON A DATE NIGHT

LIKE YOU USED TO HAVE TO DO

WHEN YOU WOULD SNEAK OUT

FROM YOUR KIDS.

YOU CALLED IT DATE --

"MOMMY AND DADDY IS HAVING

DATE NIGHT."

IT'S REALLY,

"WE'RE SICK OF YOU."

[Laughter]

"WE'RE GOING TO GO HAVE

A CHEESE BURGER WITHOUT YOU."

SO WE WENT ON THIS DATE NIGHT.

WHAT'S SO FUNNY IS WE KNEW

OUR KIDS WOULD MAKE FUN OF US

IF WE CAME HOME LIKE AT 9:00

SINCE WE JUST LEFT THE HOUSE

AT 8:00.

SO YOU RIDE AROUND

THE NEIGHBORHOOD FOR

A LITTLE WHILE,

THAT DOESN'T WORK.

SO WE DECIDED TO GO PARKING.

WE THOUGHT THAT WOULD BE --

WE JUST THOUGHT

THAT WOULD BE FUNNY.

SO WE WENT BACK TO THE SAME PARK

THAT GOT US IN THIS MESS

TO BEGIN WITH.

[Laughter]

AND DO YOU KNOW THEY HAD

SHUT THAT PLACE DOWN!

WE DIDN'T KNOW BUT IT WAS GOOD,

YOU COULD HIDE THE CAR BETTER

IN THE WEEDS.

[Laughter]

BUT I'M TELLING YOU,

PARKING OVER 50 IS --

YOU'VE GOT TO HAVE

A CHIROPRACTOR FOR THREE WEEKS

AFTER THAT.

[Laughter]

AND THE FUNNIEST THING,

HERE COMES A POLICEMAN

KNOCKING ON THE WINDOW

AND WE'RE JUST IN THERE GOING,

"OH, PLEASE DON'T GO

TO OUR CHURCH!

PLEASE DON'T GO TO OUR CHURCH!"

[Laughter]

AND HE ASKED TO SEE OUR LICENSE.

SO I GAVE HIM MY LICENSE.

MY HUSBAND GIVES HIM

HIS LICENSE.

HE'S GOING,

"ARE YOU GUYS MARRIED?"

[Laughter]

LIKE THIS IS THE GROSSEST THING

HE HAS EVER SEEN!

I THINK HE GAVE US A TICKET

FOR THAT RIGHT THERE.

BEING MARRIED AND GOING PARKING

WAS SUPPOSED TO BE SO GROSS.

I'M LIKE, "YES, WE ARE BUT

THE KIDS MOVED BACK IN AND

IT KIND OF CRAMPED OUR STYLE.

WE WANTED TO BE OUT A LITTLE

LATE SO WE THOUGHT WE WOULD

GO WILD AND GO PARKING."

HE'S LIKE, "OH, SAY NO MORE!

I'LL GIVE YOU 30 MORE MINUTES."

[Laughter]

I LOOKED AT MY HUSBAND,

"WELL, HE THINKS YOU'RE A STUD!"

[Laughter]

SEE, THIS IS WHAT IS SO FUNNY.

SOMEBODY RIGHT NOW

IS SITTING ON THEIR COUCH

IS JUST APPALLED THAT I TALKED

ABOUT SLEEPING WITH MY HUSBAND.

I COULD TESTIFY HOW THE LORD

HAS SAVED ME FROM PROSTITUTION

AND DRUGS AND ALCOHOL.

PEOPLE WOULD BE WAVING

THEIR HANKY.

THEY WOULD WRITE INTO JAMES

THAT THIS WAS THE BEST SHOW

THEY EVER SAW.

BUT TALK ABOUT SLEEPING

WITH YOUR HUSBAND,

EVERYBODY GOES --.

MY HUSBAND IS A STUD!

AND I TRY TO STAY YOUNG LOOKING

FOR HIM.

I TRY TO STAY HEALTHY LOOK...

WELL, NOT HEALTHY.

BUT YOU PUT ON ENOUGH SPANX

YOU LOOK A LITTLE BETTER.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT?

THE SPANX, IT'S LIKE

YOUR GRANDMOTHER CALLS THEM

GIRDLES.

THE HIP THING NOW IS SPANX.

I HAVE ON FOUR PAIR RIGHT NOW

MYSELF.

[Laughter]

I PUT ON ONE PAIR

AND I HAD A HOLE AND

I THOUGHT I HAD A TUMOR

ALL OF THE SUDDEN.

HAVE YOU EVER TRIED TO GET

THE FAT BACK IN THE PILLSBURY

-- WHEN THE DOUGH POPS OUT

OF THE PILLSBURY CAN

THERE IS A PROBLEM!

YOU CAN'T GET THE DOUGH

BACK IN THE CAN.

YOU CAN'T GET THE FAT BACK

IN THE SPANX.

SO BY THEN I'D HAD A HOT FLASH

AND I COULDN'T GET THEM OFF.

HAVE YOU HAD A HOT FLASH

IN A PAIR OF SPANX?

YOU HAVE TO HAVE THEM

SURGICALLY REMOVED.

SO I JUST PUT ON ANOTHER PAIR

TO STUFF THE STUFFING BACK IN.

AND THEN THAT DIDN'T WORK

BECAUSE I HAD

THE LITTLE SHORTS PART.

HAVE YOU EVER WORE THE LITTLE

SHORT SPANX AND IT LOOKS LIKE

YOU HAVE TWO TUMORS

ON YOUR THIGHS?

BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHERE

THE GIRDLE ENDS.

IT IS AWFUL.

SO THEN I GOT THE LITTLE

TANK TOP SPANX THAT'S SUPPOSED

TO MEET WITH THE SHORTS.

WELL, THEN YOU SWEAT

AND THE SHORTS ROLL UNDER

YOUR BEER GUT THEN THE TOP ROLLS

-- IT LIFTS AND SEPARATES

IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

[Laughter]

IT IS JUST DISGUSTING.

SO THEN I GOT THE WHOLE

BODY SUIT SPANX THAT

GOES DOWN TO YOUR KNEES.

WELL, THEN MY FEET SWELLED

SO BAD I COULDN'T

GET MY SHOES ON.

[Laughter]

IT JUST CUTS OFF

THE CIRCULATION.

SO FINALLY, I'M STARTED TO WEAR

THE WHOLE THING THAT GOES

FROM YOUR ANKLES ALL THE WAY

-- SO THIS IS NOT CLEAVAGE,

THIS IS MY ANKLES

SITTING RIGHT HERE.

[Laughter]

NOW PUT THAT IN YOUR PIPE

AND SMOKE IT!

[Applause]

LET ME TELL YOU, I FORGOT

TO TALK ABOUT THE CHEERLEADERS.

I WENT WITH YOUR DALLAS COWBOY

CHEERLEADERS TO AFGHANISTAN

NOT LONG AGO.

I WAS THERE.

WE WENT WITH SIX OF THEM.

BY THE TIME WE GOT TO KUWAIT

WE ONLY HAD TWO.

THEY WERE SCRAWNY GIRLS.

THEY CAN'T KEEP UP.

BUT YEAH, I GOT HUNGRY,

I HAD TO HAVE A FEW FOR LUNCH.

THEY WERE JUST --

I MEAN LITTLE TINY THINGS.

HOW DO THEY CHEER A WHOLE GAME

JUST -- FEED ME SOMETHING!

FEED ME!

IT WAS SO FUNNY.

ME AND THE DALLAS COWBOY

CHEERLEADERS AND SOME COUNTRY

SINGERS AND THE MOST

PHOTOGRAPHED SWIMSUIT MODEL

FOR SPORTS ILLUSTRATED.

AND SHE TOOK HER --

EIGHT BY TEN.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

AND MY EIGHT BY TEN.

WELL, MINE IS LIKE A 14 BY 16.

[Laughter]

IT WAS SOMETHING ELSE.

THEN THEY DIDN'T WANT YOU

TO TALK ABOUT JESUS.

THEY GAVE ME THE LIST,

DON'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT JESUS

BECAUSE WE'RE IN A PLACE

THAT MAY NOT BE SO HAPPY

ABOUT THAT.

SO I JUST TATTOOED HIM

ON MY CHEST.

[Laughter]

THAT'S WHERE ALL THE SOLDIERS

WERE LOOKING I FIGURED.

[Laughter]

NO, I WOULDN'T DO THAT.

THAT WOULD BE AWFUL.

I KNOW YOU DON'T LIKE TATTOOS.

I HEARD THAT.

BUT I HAVE TO CONFESS TO YOU,

I GOT A TATTOO.

AND I'M WORRIED BECAUSE

I ONLY SEE HIM ONCE IN A WHILE.

I COME HERE TO GET MY LIFE

CHANGED, STOP BACKSLIDING.

THEN I GO BACK OUT

AND DO MY JOB,

I COME BACK AND CONFESS AGAIN.

[Laughter]

BROTHER JAMES IS LIKE MY PRIEST,

LET ME JUST STOP OVER FOR

A FEW MINUTES IF YOU DON'T MIND.

I'VE GOT SOME THINGS

TO TELL YOU.

BUT I DID --

BETTY, I'M RECOMMENDING THIS.

MY 25th WEDDING ANNIVERSARY,

I WANTED TO DO SOMETHING

THAT WOULD SHOCK MY HUSBAND

SO I GOT A TATTOO. I DID!

AND DON'T SEND ME VERSES.

IF YOU'RE GOING TO SEND ME

A SCRIPTURE SEND IT BEFORE

I DO SOMETHING WRONG; WOULD YOU?

WELL, IT IS TOO LATE NOW

BECAUSE TATTOOS ARE

KIND OF PERMANENT.

I HAD A LITTLE HEART WITH

HIS INITIALS AND FLOWERS

IN A PLACE THAT ONLY MY HUSBAND

WOULD SEE, BY THE WAY.

MY DAUGHTER WAS DISGUSTED.

SHE SAID IT IS A TRAMP STAMP.

[Laughter]

I HAVE BEEN MARRIED TO THIS MAN

FOR ALMOST 30 YEARS SO I THOUGHT

THIS WOULD BE SO FUNNY

AND SURPRISE HIM AND SO I GOT

THIS LITTLE TATTOO.

IT'S NOT AS ROMANTIC WHEN

HE GOES, "LET ME GET MY GLASSES

SO I CAN SEE."

[Laughter]

IT TAKES THE ROMANCE OUT OF IT.

OF COURSE, IT IS GONE NOW.

THINGS KIND OF SHIFT, YOU KNOW?

MY HUSBAND'S INITIALS ARE

SOMEWHERE ON MY REAR END

RIGHT NOW.

[Laughter]

IN A FEW YEARS HE CAN

SEE IT AGAIN; IT WILL BE

BEHIND MY KNEES.

[Laughter]

OKAY, SO NEXT YEAR

WHEN I COME BACK --

IF I COME BACK --

BETTY HAS TO GET A TATTOO.

DON'T Y'ALL THINK?

[Laughter]

I JUST TRIED TO THINK UPSTAIRS,

WHAT WOULD BE THE MOST

SHOCKING THING I COULD TALK

TO JAMES ABOUT?

James: YOU LEFT ME BREATHLESS.

SPEECHLESS, BREATHLESS!

LET ME JUST SAY THIS IS HER CD

AND IT'S LISTEN AND LAUGH.

HERE IS A DVD,

DID I SAY THAT OUT LOUD?

THERE'S CHONDA'S WEB SITE

AND THESE ARE JUST AWESOME.

BY THE WAY, CHONDA,

WE'RE DRILLING WATER WELLS

SO IF YOU DO WELL,

HELP US DO A WELL.

WE'RE GOING TO GIVE THE CD AWAY.

CHONDA, YOU HAVE --

BY THE WAY, WE JUST LOVE YOU.

DON'T YOU APPRECIATE HER?

DOESN'T SHE MAKE YOU LAUGH?

YOU TAKE THE VERY REAL ISSUES

AND YOU JUST TURN THEM

INTO SOMETHING WONDERFUL.

Chonda: I DON'T KNOW

IF IT IS WONDERFUL.

James: I THINK IT IS BECAUSE

I LOVE TO LAUGH.

Chonda: MY MOMMA THINKS

I'M GOING TO HELL

IN A HAND BASKET. SHE DOES!

SHE SAID ALL MY LIFE.

I ASKED HER, "HOW BIG

IS THE HAND BASKET?"

BECAUSE ME AND FOUR COUSINS

ARE GOING IN THE SAME BASKET;

YOU KNOW?

I SAY IF WE FIND THE GUY

WHO IS CARRYING THE BASKET,

TAKE HIM OUT FIRST.

[Laughter]

James: HOW IN THE WORLD

ARE WE GOING TO SAY SOMETHING

THAT'S KIND OF A MORE SERIOUS

NATURE WHEN YOU'VE GOT US

ABSOLUTELY IN STITCHES?

Chonda: VERY CAREFULLY.

James: NOW YOU ARE MAYBE

GOING TO DO SOME MOVIES

IN HOLLYWOOD AND SOME PARTS

AND SO FORTH.

BY THE WAY, I JUST WANT TO GO

AHEAD AND ADDRESS THAT

SINCE YOU'LL GET LETTERS ON IT.

Chonda: I KNOW.

MY MOTHER WRITES ME EVERY DAY.

James: I WANT YOU TO TAKE

THE BRIGHTEST LIGHT INTO

THE DARKEST PLACES ON PLANET

EARTH AND THAT'S ONE OF THEM.

THE DARKER THE SITUATION,

IF YOU WANT TO SHOW OFF

A DIAMOND, GO TO THE JEWELER,

HE IS GOING TO PUT A DARK CLOTH

OUT ON THE TABLE

AND PUT THE DIAMOND ON IT

AND PUT LIGHT ON IT.

SO YOU GET THE GREATEST JEWELS

IN THE BRIGHTEST LIGHT

IN THE DARKEST SITUATION

AND IT LOOKS THE BEST.

I WANT YOU TO GO

AND PIERCE THE DARKNESS.

SO YOU'VE GOT OUR ENCOURAGEMENT

AND OUR PRAYERS AND I BELIEVE

YOU'LL BE A BLESSING.

YOU'RE FUNNIER THAN

ANYBODY IN HOLLYWOOD.

DON'T YOU THINK SHE IS FUNNIER

THAN ANYBODY HOLLYWOOD'S GOT?

YOU GO OUT THERE AND JUST

BE A BRIGHT LIGHT FOR JESUS.

HOW DO WE PRAY FOR YOU?

WHAT CAN WE DO FOR YOU

BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU?

Chonda: PROBABLY JUST THAT.

FOR THE FIRST -- I'VE BEEN

A STANDUP COMEDIAN FOR

ALMOST 20 YEARS.

I'M BLESSED TO HAVE CLIMBED

TO THE PINNACLE OF THIS MARKET

OR WHATEVER I'VE DONE.

AND I WILL CONTINUE TO DO THIS

UNTIL JESUS COMES.

I STILL WORK 98.9% OF THE TIME

IN THE CHURCH WORLD AND

THE CHRISTIAN CONFERENCE WORLD

AND LOVE IT.

THOSE ARE MY PEOPLE.

THAT'S THE WORLD I KNOW.

THE LORD IS OPENING DOORS

IN PLACES I'D NEVER DREAMED

OR IMAGINED AND I GO IN

CAREFULLY AND FEARFULLY.

AND AT THE SAME TIME

I'M GETTING SUCH AN EDUCATION

IN WHAT HAPPENED.

WHEN HOLLYWOOD CAME ALONG,

THE SITCOM CAME TO LIFE

BECAUSE OF WAR.

WHEN THE VIETNAM WAR HIT

AND WORLD WAR II THAT'S WHEN

THEY CAME UP WITH

THE SITCOM IDEAS; IT IS JUST

A HISTORICAL FACT.

SO THE LAUGHTER AND HOLLYWOOD

AND THE FUN OF THE STORYTELLING

IN THE MOVIES,

IT WAS ALL A WONDERFUL RELEASE

AND RELIEF FOR DIFFICULT TIMES

THAT WE'RE IN.

NOW IT ALMOST FEELS LIKE

THE TABLE HAS FLIPPED

AND THAT'S CAUSING SOME OF

THE DIFFICULT TIMES

THAT WE'RE IN.

THE INFLUENCE THAT'S GOING ON

IN HOLLYWOOD IS NOW PERPETRATING

SOME OF THE DIFFICULTIES

THAT OUR TEENAGERS ARE FACING,

AND UNWED PREGNANCIES,

AND ALL THAT'S GOING ON.

SO THAT'S VERY SAD TO ME.

AND AT THE SAME TIME,

WHEN I WAS IN COLLEGE

AND HEADING OFF TO COLLEGE

TO TELL MY MOTHER THAT I WANTED

TO MAJOR IN THEATER ARTS,

WELL, YOU MIGHT AS WELL

HAVE TOLD HER I WAS JUST GOING

TO SELL MARIJUANA

FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

[Laughter]

IT WAS THAT FORWARD

AND THAT FEARFUL TO

THAT GENERATION,

AND IT SHOULDN'T BE.

James: THE KINGDOM OF GOD

SHOULD MAKE THE WEIGHT

OF GOD'S PRESENCE FELT

AS A FOOTPRINT OF GOD'S PRESENCE

ON EVERY PART OF LIFE --

ALL THE CULTURE, EVERYTHING.

Chonda: I SAID THIS IN CONCERT

THE OTHER NIGHT.

IT WAS JUST ON MY HEART.

WHEN YOU LOOK AT HOW HORRIBLE

HOLLYWOOD IS AND SOME OF

THE MOVIES THAT THEY'RE PUTTING

OUT AND THE SOAP OPERAS

AND ALL THAT MESS THAT WE --

James: IT IS --

THAT'S WHAT IT IS!

Chonda: IT IS JUST A MESS;

WE HAVE REALLY NO ONE TO BLAME

FOR THAT, SO TO SPEAK,

OTHER THAN SATAN, BUT OURSELVES

BECAUSE WE PULLED OURSELVES OUT.

SO NOW TO GO BACK IN OR

AS A CHRISTIAN TO WALK

INTO SOME AREAS, AND I'VE BEEN

IN A COUPLE OF MOVIES THIS YEAR

THAT WEREN'T NECESSARILY

BILLED AS FAITH-BASED MOVIES

BUT BECAUSE I AM A CHRISTIAN,

I READ A SCRIPT AND SAID,

"OKAY, YEAH, I CAN DO THIS ONE.

I CAN BE IN THIS ONE."

AND THEY'RE GOOD FOLKS,

I'VE MET WONDERFUL PEOPLE.

I'VE MET REALLY GREAT CHRISTIANS

IN HOLLYWOOD.

WHAT'S REALLY SAD IS WHEN

YOU'RE ON A MOVIE SET

AND YOU'RE HAVING A LITTLE BITE

TO EAT OR IN-BETWEEN SCENES

AND SOMEBODY WHISPERS,

"BY THE WAY,

I'M A CHRISTIAN TOO."

IT IS FOR THE FIRST TIME

WE'RE GETTING A VERY

SMALL TASTE --

James: I BELIEVE

THAT'S GOING TO CHANGE.

YOU KNOW SOUL SURFER IS

A FAITH-BASED FILM BUT

THE BEAUTIFUL GIRL THAT LOST

HER ARM TO THE SHARK THAT'S

THE STAR OF THAT AND IT IS

A VERY INSPIRATIONAL MOVIE,

SHE ACTUALLY, AFTER SHE LOST

THE ARM, GAVE WATER WELLS

AND SHOWED ON THE SHOW HERE

AND HER DAD WAS HERE WITH US

TELLING HOW GOD HAD PUT

THAT ON HER HEART.

AND WE'RE DOING WATER WELLS NOW

AND YOU KNOW HOW MUCH

YOU ENJOY WHAT WE'RE DOING.

I WANT TO JUST SAY AGAIN

THAT I REALLY BELIEVE NOW,

WHETHER IT IS EDUCATION

AND WE REALLY, THE CHURCH

GAVE EDUCATION AND ACADEMICS

OVER TO SOME OTHER FORCE

OTHER THAN THE LITERAL

IMPRESSION AND PRINCIPLES

OF ALMIGHTY GOD THAT ARE

AS ROCK SOLID AS THE FOUNDATION

UPON WHICH WE BUILD THE HOUSE

SAFELY AND SECURELY.

AND IT IS NOT, BY THE WAY,

PREACHING THE WORD OR HEARING

THE WORD IT IS DOING THE WORD

-- DOING WHAT HE SAID.

NOT JUST DISCUSSING IT

AND TALKING ABOUT IT,

BUT BEING A LIVING DEMONSTRATION

OF IT WHICH MEANS THAT

YOU NOT ONLY AFFECT ACADEMICS

AND EDUCATION,

YOU AFFECT THE ARTS, YOU AFFECT

EVERY PART OF SOCIETY.

YOU ADDRESS THE SOCIAL ILLS

AND YOU ADDRESS THE ECONOMICS.

WE'RE SUPPOSED TO LITERALLY

HAVE DOMINION --

NOT TAKE DOMINION,

NOT BE A THEOCRACY --

BUT THE WEIGHT OF GOD AFFECTING

EVERYTHING ON PLANET EARTH.

I'M GOING TO BE PRAYING

FOR CHONDA AS SHE GOES

AND DOES WHAT GOD IMPRESSED HER

TO DO IN THE DARK PLACES

OF THE WORLD.

WOULD YOU ASSURE CHONDA

THAT SHE'S GOT YOUR PRAYERS

AND THAT YOU APPRECIATE HER?

Chonda: THANK YOU SO MUCH!

THAT MEANS SO MUCH!

James: THERE IS HER WEB SITE.

GO THERE; YOU CAN GET THE DVD.

WE'LL JUST SIMPLY TELL YOU THIS,

I WOULD LOVE TO SEND YOU THE CD.

THIS REALLY CONTAINS A LOT

OF THE BEST OF CHONDA PIERCE.

WE JUST WANT TO SEND IT TO YOU

TO SAY THANK YOU BECAUSE

WHAT WE'RE GOING TO ASK YOU

TO DO AND I KNOW HOW MUCH

YOU BELIEVE IN WHAT GOD'S

CALLED US TO DO, YOU'VE BEEN

A PART OF WHAT WE DO

FOR A LONG TIME; NOT JUST

BY BEING A GUEST BUT PRAYING

FOR US AND HELPING US.

WE'VE HAD REALLY THE JOY

OF PICKING YOU UP OFF THE FLOOR

WHEN YOUR HEART WAS BROKEN

AND IT IS JUST THE LOVE OF GOD.

BUT WHAT WE'RE DOING, CHONDA

IS OUR VIEWERS AND

THEY'RE THE MOST SPECIAL PEOPLE,

I HONESTLY BELIEVE OUR VIEWERS

WILL PRAY FOR YOU.

I DON'T THINK THEY WILL

SEND YOU A BAD E-MAIL,

I THINK THEY'RE GOING

TO PRAY FOR YOU.

IF THEY DO YOU TELL ME AND I'LL

HAVE A LITTLE TALK WITH THEM.

WE'LL HAVE A LITTLE TALK.

Chonda: I'M GOING TO TELL

MY DADDY ON Y'ALL!

James: YOU PRAY FOR HER.

BUT HERE'S WHAT WE WANT

TO ASK YOU TO DO TODAY.

TWICE A YEAR WE WILL TAKE

VARIOUS REGIONS OF THE WORLD

AND TARGET TO DRILL WATER WELLS.

WE'RE ASKING YOU TO HELP US.

THEY'RE $4800 BUT I WANT YOU

TO GET THIS, $48 WILL GIVE

10 PEOPLE WATER

THE REST OF THEIR LIFE.

THERE IS NOT ONE PERSON WATCHING

THAT WILL SAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?

I COULD GIVE 10 PEOPLE CLEAN

WATER THE REST OF THEIR LIFE.

THIS IS SOMETHING

THEY'VE NEVER HAD.

AND IT IS A REAL --

IT'S BECOMING THE ANSWER

TO THE HEART CRY AND PRAYER

OF MANY MOTHERS

FOR PRECIOUS CHILDREN.

I WANT YOU TO LISTEN CLOSELY

BECAUSE YOU REALLY ARE

THE ANSWER.

YOU REALLY ARE!

LISTEN AND WATCH.

Announcer: WATER IS ESSENTIAL FOR LIFE.

EVERY SYSTEM IN OUR BODY DEPENDS ON FRESH CLEAN WATER.

WATER FLUSHES TOXINS OUT OF VITAL ORGANS.

IT CARRIES NUTRIENTS TO YOUR CELLS

AND KEEPS THE BODY HYDRATED SO IT CAN FUNCTION NORMALLY.

THESE ARE IMPORTANT FACTS

BUT THEY MEAN VERY LITTLE TO MOTHERS LIKE LANDY

AND HER DAUGHTER VALORIE WHO FIND THEMSELVES

AMONG THE NEARLY ONE BILLION PEOPLE IN OUR WORLD

WHO HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO DRINK DISEASED WATER

AND SUFFER THE TRAGIC CONSEQUENCES.

Announcer: THE PLIGHT OF LANDY IS SIMPLY A SNAPSHOT

OF WHAT THOUSANDS OF OTHER MOTHERS SUFFER ON A DAILY BASIS

BECAUSE OF WATERBORNE ILLNESS

HAS TAKEN THE LIVES OF THEIR CHILDREN.

Announcer: THERE IS A SIMPLE SOLUTION

FOR HER TRAGIC SITUATION.

IT IS FRESH CLEAN WATER

WHICH CAN PREVENT THESE NEEDLESS DEATHS,

BRING CHILDREN BACK TO HEALTH

AND GIVE LANDY AND THOUSANDS OF OTHER MOTHERS

HOPE FOR THE FUTURE.

James: THAT LITTLE BABY DIED.

THAT PICTURE --

SHE STILL HAS ONE BABY

THAT CAN CRUMPLE UP THE PICTURE.

AND MOTHER DOESN'T WANT

THAT BABY TO DIE

AND WE CAN STOP IT.

I'M TELLING YOU, WE CAN PUT

AT THE MISSIONARIES' REQUEST

AND THEIR GREAT LOVE,

GOD'S LOVE THROUGH THEM,

WE CAN PUT A WATER WELL THERE.

BETTY AND I GET PICTURES

LIKE THIS ALL OF THE TIME.

THIS IS FROM ST. JUDE'S.

AND WE GET THE PICTURES

OF LITTLE CHILDREN LIKE THIS

BECAUSE BETTY AND I STARTED

HELPING ST. JUDE'S

AND WE TRY TO HELP THEM A LOT.

BUT WE GET PICTURES LIKE THIS

FROM A CHILD

THAT IS FIGHTING A DISEASE

THAT THEY DON'T HAVE A CURE FOR,

AND OFTENTIMES THEY SAY,

"WILL YOU HELP US

FIND A CURE, PLEASE?"

AND THEN SOMETIMES

WE GET A PICTURE

OF A BEAUTIFUL LITTLE CHILD

THAT DIED AND THE MOTHER SAYS,

"MY LITTLE GIRL --

MY LITTLE BOY DIED.

WE THINK WE'RE CLOSE

TO FINDING THE CURE

FOR SOMEBODY ELSE'S."

AND BOY, BETTY AND I HELP.

WHEN I LOOK AT THAT LITTLE CHILD

AND THINK OF THAT LITTLE BABY

THAT DIED, I KNOW THE CURE.

BETTY, WE DON'T

HAVE TO DO RESEARCH,

WE DON'T HAVE TO FIND

SOME MIRACLE DRUG,

ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS GIVE THEM

A FRESH WATER WELL

AND WE KNOW THE WATER IS THERE.

PEOPLE LIKE YOU

PROVIDED THE DRILLING RIGS.

NOW WE'RE ASKING YOU

TO PAY THE COST,

AND THE AVERAGE COST --

AND THERE ARE SOME PLACES

THAT ARE MORE EXPENSIVE

AND THERE ARE SOME PLACES

WHERE THE WATER IS VERY SHALLOW,

MAYBE 150 FEET

BUT THE AVERAGE IS $4800.

THAT COULD CHANGE

IN THE COMING MONTHS

BUT CURRENTLY IT IS THERE.

WOULD YOU DRILL A WELL?

WOULD YOU GO TO THE PHONE

WHEREVER IT IS RIGHT NOW.

OR, BETTY, PEOPLE GIVE ONLINE

AND THEY CAN GO

TO THEIR COMPUTER,

GO TO LIFETODAY.ORG

AND JUST CLICK,

I WANT TO DONATE, I WANT TO GIVE

AND MAKE YOUR GIFT.

PUT IT ON A BANKCARD.

USE IT LIKE A CHECK.

THAT'S HOW YOU SHOULD

ALWAYS USE THAT CARD.

IF YOU WANT TO WRITE A CHECK

AND SOME OF YOU DO, YOU SAY,

"JAMES, CAN I MAKE A CHECK?"

YES, CERTAINLY!

MAKE IT TO LIFE

BUT CALL US AND TELL US

YOU'RE MAILING IT.

AND BY THE WAY,

THE MISSIONARIES HAVE SAID,

"WE'RE GOING TO DRILL

A WELL HERE."

WE -- IT IS NOT ME AND BETTY.

YOU CAN KNOW

WE'RE GOING TO DRILL A WELL.

EVERY TIME THE MISSIONARIES SAY,

"CAN YOU DO IT HERE?"

WE'RE GOING TO HELP THEM

IN THAT PROJECT.

WOULD YOU -- LISTEN --

$48, 10 PEOPLE

WATER THE REST OF THEIR LIFE

AND WE PUT THAT TOGETHER.

$144, 30 PEOPLE WATER

THE REST OF THEIR LIFE.

COULD YOU GIVE THE $4800

OR $1200 OR $2400

AND PRAY THREE PEOPLE JOIN YOU?

OR ANOTHER PERSON JOINS YOU

AND WE'VE GOT A WELL?

IT'S EACH ONE OF US

FULFILLING OUR PART

IN GOD'S HEART.

THAT'S HOW IT HAPPENS.

WHAT CAN YOU DO?

BY THE WAY, IN GOD'S SIGHT

YOUR BEST IS AS GOOD AS IT GETS.

IT IS AS BIG AS IT GETS.

FATHER, HELP EVERYONE

TO BE EXCITED ABOUT GIVING.

AND LORD,

LET US DRILL THOSE WELLS.

BLESS THE PEOPLE

WHO CAN DRILL A WELL

OR SEVERAL WELLS

OR GIVE WATER TO 10 PEOPLE

OR AS MANY AS POSSIBLE

IN JESUS' NAME.

WOULD YOU MAKE THAT CALL?

PLEASE DO IT OR GO ONLINE.

PLEASE DO IT NOW.

Announcer: EVERY DAY MILLIONS OF CHILDREN ARE FORCED

TO MAKE A DREADFUL CHOICE: DRINK FILTHY, POLLUTED WATER

FILLED WITH DEADLY DISEASE OR DIE FROM THIRST.

NO CHILD SHOULD EVER BE FACED WITH THIS DECISION.

THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT THERE IS A SOLUTION --

MISSION: WATER FOR LIFE IS ONE OF THE MOST EXCITING

AND VIABLE DEMONSTRATIONS OF GOD'S LOVE IN THE WORLD TODAY.

SUFFERING CAN END BECAUSE CLEAN WATER CHANGES EVERYTHING!

WITH YOUR GIFT TODAY WE WILL BEGIN DRILLING

350 NEW WATER WELLS FOR REMOTE VILLAGES IN 12 DIFFERENT NATIONS.

YOUR GIFT OF $24 WILL HELP PROVIDE CLEAN WATER FOR FIVE PEOPLE!

A GIFT OF $48 WILL HELP PROVIDE FOR 10 PEOPLE!

$72 WILL IMPACT 15 PEOPLE.

AND $144 WILL HELP PROVIDE FRESH, CLEAN DISEASE-FREE WATER

FOR 30 PEOPLE FOR A LIFETIME!

WITH YOUR GIFT BE SURE TO REQUEST, BELIEVE THIS NOT THAT

A BRAND-NEW TOPICAL BIBLE PROMISE BOOK

THAT WILL ENCOURAGE YOU IN EVERY AREA OF LIFE.

WITH YOUR GIFT OF $100 OR MORE

YOU MAY REQUEST OUR NEWLY RELEASED WATER FOR LIFE MUG SET,

A DAILY REMINDER OF THE CLEAN WATER

YOU MAKE POSSIBLE TO THOSE WHO THIRST.

ALSO PLEASE PRAYERFULLY CONSIDER A GIFT OF $1200

TO HELP PROVIDE WATER FOR 250 PEOPLE

OR A GIFT OF $4800 TO HELP SPONSOR A COMPLETE WELL.

AND BE SURE TO REQUEST THE 2012 COMMEMORATIVE BRONZE SCULPTURE,

"THE LAMB AND THE LION."

PLEASE CALL, WRITE, OR MAKE YOUR SECURE GIFT ONLINE TODAY!

Lisa: I HAVE SPENT MY DAY TRAVELING UP AND DOWN THIS RIVER.

WE HAVE SEEN THE GRAVES OF CHILDREN THAT HAVE DIED

BECAUSE THEY DRANK FROM THIS RIVER.

WE WANT TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

MISSION: WATER FOR LIFE CAN DRILL WELLS

BUT WE NEED YOU TO RESPOND.

THIS IS A GLOBAL PROBLEM.

THIS ISN'T JUST ISOLATED TO THIS RIVER.

THIS RIVER IS A SMALL PICTURE OF RIVERS WORLDWIDE.

THE NEED IS DESPERATE AND URGENT.

OPEN YOUR HEART AND GIVE FREELY SO THESE CHILDREN WON'T DIE.

James: WELL, YOU HAVE

THE ANSWER.

IT IS NOT ONE WE HAVE TO LOOK

FOR BUT IT IS ONE WE PROVIDE.

WHO WOULDN'T WANT TO GIVE

THE CURE TO ANY DISEASE A CHILD

HAD IF YOU KNEW WHAT IT WAS.

I MEAN YOU WOULD WANT THAT;

NOT ONLY FOR YOUR CHILDREN

BUT ANYONE'S CHILD.

WE DO WANT TO SEND YOU

THE GIFTS THAT WE'VE MENTIONED

THAT YOU'VE SEEN.

AND ALSO, IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO

TODAY AND YOU MAKE THE GIFT,

WE'RE GOING TO SEND YOU

CHONDA PIERCE'S CD

AND YOU'LL LAUGH.

IT WILL PUT A BIG OL' SMILE

ON YOUR FACE AND YOU'LL WANT

TO SHARE IT WITH OTHERS.

JOIN BETTY AND ME IN SAYING

THANKS TO OUR GOOD FRIEND,

CHONDA PIERCE.

CHONDA, THANK YOU!

WE LOVE YOU.

YOU GO BE A LIGHT

IN THE DARKEST PLACES

ON PLANET EARTH.

LET'S ALL BE A LIGHT.

LET'S BE THE CITY SET ON A HILL

THAT CANNOT AND WILL NOT

BE HIDDEN.

PIERCE THE DARKNESS.

Announcer: TOMORROW, RAVI ZACHARIAS

TACKLES THE HARD QUESTION:

SOONER OR LATER YOU HAVE TO EXPLAIN IT FROM HERE.